True Tale #2: They're Selling, But You're Not Buying

Whether it's the telemarketer on the other end of the line or the Jehovah's Witness on your doorstep, intrusive sales people of all stripes are one of life's most common aggravations. Several of you have sent in true tales of clever ways to outmaneuver the smoothest sales spiel. Here are a few of the best:

Neil Geitz offered these tips for getting the telemarketers to hang up on you:

My favorite is to ask them if I can call them back. They inevitably respond that they only have outgoing lines. I ask them, "but you have a phone at home,don't you?" "Well, yes..." "And you're calling me at home, right? So give me your home phone number and I'll call you." Odd, they always hang up.

My sister pulled a beaut recently. She was doing her ironing, so she had plenty of time. It was one of those series of books; this one on the planets. As she ironed, she asked for details. "And you've got one whole book on Mars? Does it cover that face thing and those pyramids and stuff?" She was assured that it did, in breathtaking detail. "Got Venus? I just love Venus." Sure enough, and the caller explained how much history and myth was covered in the book. "And Mercury. I just can't get over the extreme temperatures on Mercury. I'm looking forward to reading about that." She'd moved the caller into the 'done deal' phase. It had taken up the telemarketer's time to the tune of 45 minutes. Last question from my sister: "And you have it in braille?" Stuttering 'no'. "I thought you knew I was blind. How can that not be on your list. You mean your company doesn't take into account persons with disabilities? And you've wasted..." CLICK

The object of the game is to waste THEIR time and make THEM hang up.

Another perturbed contributor came up with this fool proof response to shut down those telemarketers selling newspaper and magazine subscriptions:

One day while I was at my uncle's house, he received a call from the local newspaper in regards to whether or not he would like to buy a subscription. My uncle said no, and it then became apparent that the person on the other end of the call was bugging him with some question about why he didn't want to get a subscription. In a serious tone my uncle replied "Because I can't read!"

As you can imagine, the person on the other end of the call apologized repeatedly, and then scrambled to hang up. Since that day I have used that line three or four times, and it always works like a charm!

And for those faithful proselytizers standing at your front door looking to sell you a guide to salvation for a few dollars, one annoyed soul recommends using the barter system to get rid of them.

I lived in Brooklyn for a while and got really tired of the religious types released from their training center just a few blocks away wanting to give (for a small donation) me their little books.

Moving into the hinterlands reduced the flow but I still got five or six door-to-door solicitations of the same type per year. I finally paid $2.00 for someone's treatise and keep it by my door. Now when I get one of these I say "No I wouldn't be interested in buying your books, but I will trade you for one of mine." They find a way to leave post haste.

Human ingenuity is truly remarkable and never more inspired than when applied to the mundane nuisances of life. If, like the contributors featured in this post, you have devised a clever solution to a common pet peeve, register here to log in and share it with the rest of us or click on the "Give Us Your Two Cents" icon and submit it. Alone, you'll never stop the perpetrators of life's little annoyances, but by educating the rest of us on ways to halt the offenders, you might be able to make a difference (or at least give the rest of us a few laughs).