True Tale #4: Shopping in the Shadow of "Big Brother"

The holidays are bearing down on you and that means many of you are going to have to hit the big box retailers, the boutiques, or worst of all - the mall. Most of the time, shopping isn't annoying for the money you have to fork over. It's annoying for all the other things involved in the transaction.

And yet opting out of commerce altogether is tough. So you make the best of it and try to hustle in, make your purchase, and hustle out. But a few of you have found ingenious ways to thwart the "Big Brother" retailers that try to track our every purchase. Here's a great example

Woe be unto the cashier who dares to ask Jonathan Wren for his name and personal information.

"They don't need this data," says the biology and computer science research professor at the University of Oklahoma. "And I don't see why they have to request it." So he imposes an on-the-spot spelling bee on the pesky sales clerk. The exchange goes as follows:

"May I have your name?" the cashier asks.

"Ghossein Dhatsghabyfaird-Johnson," Wren replies.

The cashier glances in confusion before asking, "How do you spell that?"

"With a hyphen," Wren clarifies.

"Once more?" the cashier asks.

"Ghossein Dhatsghabyfaird-Johnson." (Wren once had a colleague whose name was Ghossein Dhatsghabyfaird, and the "Johnson" is added for good measure.)

"Could you please spell that?" the cashier asks, glancing at the half dozen people waiting behind Wren in line.

"Oh . . . just like it sounds," he says nonchalantly.

Typing in "Johnson," the cashier moves on and asks for Wren's address.

"Washburn, Wisconsin, 14701 Northeast Wachatanoobee Parkway, Complex 3, Building O, Apartment 1382b," he replies. As the cashier is almost done typing in the address, he adds, "Or did you mean current address?"

Stopping, the cashier says with clear frustration, "Yes. Current address."

"Diluthian Heights, Mississippi, 1372 South Tinatonabee Avenue, Building 14C, Suite 2, Box 138201," Wren replies slowly.

The cashier types in the new address when Wren suddenly interjects, "No, wait, it's North Tinatonabee Avenue." Annoyed, the cashier backs up the cursor and changes the line.

"I think," Wren mumbles with a quizzical look on his face.

When he is feeling especially cruel, he takes the game into overtime. Waiting until the cashier asks, "Is all the information you gave correct?" a standard question at many stores, he responds, "Of course not," adding that his real name is on the credit card receipt the cashier just handed him.

Wren says that he recognizes that it is not the cashiers who set policy. The point, rather, is to get managers to see that this information gathering is backing up the line.

"It's a little mean, I must admit, but no jury would convict me," he says.

Shopping isn't the only aggravation that pops up during the holidays. We're taking a (very unscientific) poll here at LifesLittleAnnoyances.com. Click on the Two Cents icon and tell us your biggest holiday gripe. If you've done something clever to take the grief out of the season of giving, share your story and look for it here in a few weeks.